Rebel Yell

My boss and I keep talking about publishing a book about all the crazy shit that happens at our store. Sure, it appears to be a run-of-the-mill used book store, but in reality it’s a wacky, zany, outrageous place where anything can happen!! Only instead of wacky sitcom antics, it’s more like bizarre COPS antics.

This past Thursday was the first time I really got to experience the Montrose Experience. First thing in the morning, some drunk street kid comes into the store and starts harassing one of the buyers. He exclaimed that we needed to “respect the ghetto, yo!!” before being told to leave the store. Then, another drunk guy with a dog comes in and wants to sell some books. The buyer at the time was a black lady, very nice but with a voice that seems a bit gruff at times. She tells him he needs to keep a hold on the dog, so he totally goes off on her. “You stupid bitch! Fuck you! I don’t have to take this shit! You’re so ignorant! Don’t make me call you what you REALLY are, you ignorant bitch!” He was so belligerent that another customer had to tell him to pipe down because he was being so obnoxious and rude! He ended up demanding to speak to the manager, who came and told him to please leave. (He’s since been banned from the store.)

Around 11:00, the men’s restroom key went missing at about the same time that a really nerdy looking guy came in with a Hispanic girl and disappeared. About an hour later, the men’s restroom key reappears, and the Hispanic girl’s purse “mysteriously” appears in the men’s restroom along with a used condom and a Trojan condom wrapper. We checked the video and it turns out that this girl loitered in the clearance area while this guy got the key, and then walked into the restroom with him. Cut to an hour later, he walks out of the restroom, and then she follows about a minute later. Who has sex in a public restroom for AN HOUR? I suspected they were working out some sort of transaction for about twenty minutes before they actually did the deed, and then spent a few minutes getting re-dressed before exiting the facility. The funny thing is that no one really heard anything while they were in there.

Hardly any time after they left the men’s room, another guy walks in there. Almost immediately, we noticed a strange smell coming from the bathroom. It turns out that this guy was in there smoking crack! One of the employees knocked on the door and asked what was going on, so the guy finishes up and comes out amidst the very distinct odor of crack smoke. The employee follows this guy out and tries to catch him, saying, “Excuse me, sir! SIR!” Once the guy figured out he was being tailed, he ran out of the store.

And all this before lunch! So when people ask me if working at this store is really all that dangerous, I just shrug my shoulders and say, “Yeah, yeah, it really is.” It does keep me on my toes, though–there’s never a dull moment on Montrose!